Dominic — “Smiler”
A memoir by Ian Loftus
How do you stop the memories from fading?
A deeply personal story of a father’s grief, enduring love, and the difficult work of finding meaning after unimaginable loss.
Buy a signed edition — £14.99 Read the storyThe morning everything changed
On 3 October 2013, Dominic Loftus was killed by a drunk driver at the age of twenty-two. In the early hours of the following morning, two police officers arrived at his family’s remote Lake District home.
Smiler—Ian’s name for Dom as he was growing up—grew from the journals and reflections written in the years that followed. It records the pain and anguish of living with a space in the heart that is forever Dom-shaped.
This is not a handbook offering a neat route through bereavement. It is an honest account of grief as it is lived: depression, anger, guilt, avoidance, confrontation, remembrance and, eventually, a restoration of sorts.
“Grief is exploration but without a map. We look for and see signs along the way, but we don’t have the code to read the hieroglyphics.”
A memoir in three movements
The book follows the movement of grief without pretending that healing happens in a straight line.
Part One
Loss and Avoidance
The first shock, the narrowing of life, and the instinct to turn away from what cannot yet be understood.
Part Two
Oscillation and Confrontation
Moving between grief and everyday life while facing anniversaries, memories and the demons of loss.
Part Three
Restoration (of sorts)
Not leaving Dominic behind, but learning how love, memory and writing can make continued life meaningful.
“A space in my heart that is Dom-shaped.”
For anyone who has lost someone they love—and for anyone trying to understand what grief asks of those left behind.
Signed edition — £14.99 Author’s edition — £18.99About Ian Loftus
Ian Loftus is a writer based in the Lake District. In Smiler, he brings together memoir, journals and reflections on grief to preserve Dominic’s story and explore how a meaningful life might be rebuilt after loss.
More about Ian →Questions about the book?
Get in touch with Ian about Smiler, signed editions, readings or conversations about writing through grief.
Contact Ian